


If Only…

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2018-08-16 16:16:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8109076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: Written for the 2013 Vamb Picture Prose contest.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Rachael Gold for the hilarious picture prompt and Gates Hepburn, Quantumsilver and Audabee for running the competition – it was a blast.
> 
> How did Kathryn’s hair finish up like that?
> 
> Thank you, Kim J for the beta. Hugs

After a busy day at Headquarters, the last thing Kathryn expected to hear as she stepped through the front door of her Indiana home was a loud snort of laughter, followed by a hearty chortle. She recognised the culprits – Phoebe and her mother – and she dreaded to think what they were up to.

Together, they were a disaster waiting to happen. The concept of boundaries was a completely alien concept and they both refused to recognise any of the acceptable social mores that Kathryn considered essential in light of her recent promotion.

Their flippant attitude came as no surprise. They were well acquainted with the ins and outs of Federation politicking and the Admiralty held no mystique for either of them. After years of dealing with Starfleet bureaucracy, no love was lost between her family and the vaunted institution.

Although, at times, Kathryn bemoaned this fact, she secretly loved their irreverence. It was the perfect leveller and if she were ever tempted to exhibit any airs of haughty superiority, they were quick to ‘yank her chain’ as Phoebe said. They kept her feet firmly planted on the ground.

When one added to the mix her mother and sister’s abject joy that she was home after seven long years, their enthusiasm seemed to have circumvented any semblance of reason or rationality. They were simply giddy with delight.

Another chorus of chuckling, followed by a full blown guffaw, had Kathryn unceremoniously tossing her bag into the corner and hurrying into the living room to see what was so hilarious. She had a feeling that she was somehow the cause of their hilarity.

Stepping through the door, her shoulders sagged.

She was right.

Damn it!

She should have known not to leave her holo-images lying around for all and sundry to find – ‘all and sundry’ being her ne’er-do-well sister and partner-in-crime mother. They’d spread them across the entire surface of the coffee table and were pointing and laughing at individual images that tickled their fancy.

Kathryn tried to remember what secrets were likely to be betrayed but after a quick mental inventory, was relieved to recall that most of the images were fairly tame. Various snaps of the crew on shore leave – all completely harmless, even if there were a few that upon squinting and looking at sideways, _could_ be construed as somewhat compromising.

Phoebe looked up and waved an image in the air. “Whoa, Nelly! Some of these are gold, Katie. I’m going to assume that Starfleet hasn’t seen them?”

Kathryn rolled her eyes before snatching the image from her sister’s hand. She glanced at it and couldn’t help a smile from tugging at her lips. She remembered this day with vivid clarity. Shore leave with her First Officer – a picnic, a waterfall and their unspoken secret pact that if they were off the ship and alone together, parameters did not apply.

There wasn’t anything too incriminating in the image. It was a wide angled shot with Chakotay in the distance. He was standing waist deep in water under the waterfall and only Kathryn knew that he was naked. She’d taken the picture to remember that special day and the idyllic setting – sunshine, crystal-clear water, exotic flora and a man who took her breath away.

Looking up, Kathryn caught her mother’s indulgent smile before she tucked the image into her uniform pocket. “I’m not saying a word.”

Gretchen chuckled. “You don’t have to, my dear.” She pointed at Kathryn’s uniform pocket. “ _It_ paints a thousand…”

Kathryn ignored her mother’s comment but couldn’t help smiling as she leaned over the table and began gathering the images into a pile, explaining as she tried to keep them out of Phoebe’s reach, “I’ll put these in an album and label each one so we can go through them together. Picking them at random, and not knowing what you’re looking at, doesn’t do them justice.”

Phoebe successfully snatched one from the pile and snorted once again. “Oh, my God. What the hell happened here?”

Kathryn reached for the image but Phoebe was too quick and clutched it to her chest. “Uh, uh. No, you don’t. I want an explanation first.” She glanced down at the image again and laughed as she showed it to Gretchen.

Her mother’s grimace was enough to send Kathryn into a panic. “Show me, for God’s sake, Phoebe! I can’t tell you about it if I can’t see it.”

Phoebe held it up. Relieved, Kathryn laughed.

“Oh, that. ‘My ultimate bad hair day’. Do you really want to know?”

“Are you kidding? You look like you fell off a potato truck. And the hair?”

Kathryn remembered it well. It had been one of ‘those’ days.

It had started off like any other ‘normal’ day in the DQ but before long, things had deteriorated into nothing short of a personal nightmare.

If only she’d learned to curtail her coffee drinking and been more frugal with her rations; if only she hadn’t gone to the Mess hall to coax and cajole some ‘better than coffee, coffee substitute’ from her busy morale officer, and if only she’d thought twice before investigating the bubbling concoction on the stove.

She was no fool. She was the captain of a Starship and had beaten the Borg as well as a cornucopia of other nefarious and belligerent creatures that inhabited the Delta Quadrant, but her curiosity had gotten the better of her and she’d paid the price – or at least her hair and pride had.

The memory wasn’t an entirely unpleasant one, however. It also marked the first time she and Chakotay decided that their secret pact needn’t be so secret anymore, and that rather delightful development had softened the blow somewhat.

She heaved a sigh. “Well… it’s a long story and I need a coffee before I start.” She headed towards the kitchen calling behind her, “Do either of you want one?”

“No, thank you,” they chorused.

Kathryn poured herself a cup before wandering back into the living room and to her impatient audience.

After taking a deep sip and savouring the brew, she settled back into the seat opposite her sister and mother.

Phoebe gave her an exasperated look and spoke in shorthand. “So, the story? The targ hair! How?”

“It’s not all that exciting, really.”

“We’ll be the judge of that.”

“All right. Umm, I think it was in our third year out there. It had been a stressful week and to compensate, I’d had more than my usual amount of coffee; consequently, I’d run out of rations. My only option, other than pilfering rations from unsuspecting crewmen, was to go to the Mess hall and purloin a carafe of Neelix’s ‘better than coffee, coffee substitute.’ It was grisly, gunky stuff but it contained caffeine and did the job in a pinch.”

Phoebe and Gretchen blinked but made no comment.

“Well, you had to be there. Anyway, Neelix was something of a maverick in the kitchen. He liked to experiment with different flavours and textures.” Her lip curled as she recalled some of his less than successful culinary excursions. “Sometimes they were, let’s say, ‘a challenge’ but he did his best and it was always an adventure.” She took another sip of coffee. “On this particular day, he wasn’t in the kitchen, so I thought I’d just hunt for the elusive coffee carafe on my own. I couldn’t find it anywhere but there was a huge cauldron bubbling away on the stove. I should have known not to look but, you know me, I can’t help myself.”

Both Phoebe and Gretchen nodded knowingly.

“I thought it might be lunch and I figured if it looked as bad as it smelled, I could convince Chakotay to have lunch with me in the Ready room and, if I played my cards right, maybe he’d even spring for it.” She shrugged. “Remember, no rations.”

Kathryn swirled the dregs of her coffee in her cup, drank the last drop and placed her empty cup on the table. “So, I lifted the lid on the pot and before I could blink, I was almost knocked into next week by a noxious cloud of steam. I slammed the lid back on but it was too late; the damage was done. I coughed and spluttered for a good ten minutes before Neelix came running to see what all the commotion was. I knew something was wrong the moment I saw the look of horror on his face. Next thing I knew, I was being transported to Sick bay and Tuvok and Chakotay were rushing to my bedside.”

She smiled sweetly. “Anyone for another coffee?”

“No, damn it.” Phoebe jabbed a finger in Kathryn’s direction. “And you’re not having one either until you finish the story.”

“Bossy much?” Kathryn gave her sister a jaundiced look and peered longingly into her empty cup before finishing her tale of woe. “As you may have gathered, it wasn’t lunch. It was some sort of cleaning solution that Neelix had boiled up using Leola root, hasblat leaves and several other equally evil ingredients. Apparently, he’d told B’Elanna that he was renowned throughout the quadrant for his skill in making a concoction that would degrease and degauss the internal intake valves of the nacelle’s plasma manifolds. They’re surprisingly fragile and although the plasma flows through them at over two thousand Kelvins, it’s not easy to keep them clean without damaging the thermal tetracyanate crystal filtration system, clogging the deuterium injectors and actuators or the delicate pergium lining of the hexi-syncro electro-plasma distribution network.”

Phoebe rolled her eyes and began to tilt sideways. “I’m losing the will to live here. _Boring_. Back to the hair.”

“Fine, sorry. Well, the crux of the matter was that the fumes were so strong that they melted my hair. Great chunks of it fell out almost immediately and I had to shave it off and start from scratch using the follicular regenerator.”

Phoebe reached towards the stack of images Kathryn was holding. “So, where are the bald holo-images? Now that’s something I’d like to see.”

Shaking her head, Kathryn held them well out of her sister’s way. “There aren’t any. That picture was taken after my hair was fixed.”

“Fixed, huh? If you say so.” Phoebe studied the image again but looked far from convinced.

“It was an improvement and to get to that point, I’d put up with hours of the Doctor’s chiding, not to mention Neelix’s incessant apologies.”

“What did Chakotay think?”

Kathryn shrugged. “He was supportive, as always. It was only hair and it grew back.”

“Supportive?”

Kathryn grinned. “He kissed me better.”

“Ha, I knew it.” Phoebe looked very pleased with herself.

There was a knock at the door.

Gretchen gave her eldest daughter a telling look. “Speak of the devil.”

Kathryn held her hand out for the holo-image as she stood, but Phoebe shook her head. “Oh, no you don’t. I want to hear Chakotay’s version. He tells a much better story than you do _and_ he doesn’t leave out the good bits.”

Kathryn gave an enigmatic smile as she turned and headed for the door. “On that point, my dear sister, you are so right.”

fin


End file.
